Currently Listening Scary Kids Scaring Kids By Scary Kids Scaring Kids see related

so..i dont really know what to say.

i moved with my mom recently.

and i know things should be going good for me, but i dont know.

my depression is definately coming back, which is really not good.

cause my depression causes me hell.

but whatever.

i havent started school yet.

soon though, hopefully.

i just wanna graduate, maybe that will help me have more self-esteem, idk though.

im eighteen finally.

now i can do just about whatever i want.

updatesoonmaybe?

x3

Currently Listening All's Well That Ends Well By Chiodos see related

yeah so...

im getting a new xanga again. good reason this time  though.

sometimes i go back&read my old entries. well i dont wanna come back to this site&read them.

because alot of them are about Connor. i dont wanna remember him. i need to forget about him.

so a new xanga would probably be better for me.

ill post the URL when i finish making it.

x3

[URL]http://www.xanga.com/HxC_Amber

Currently Listening His Last Walk By blessthefall see related

i lost him. he broke up with me. how stupid was i to think he really loved me.

i just really wanna die right now.

Currently Listening His Last Walk By Bless the Fall see related

so yeah.

ive been getting in trouble alot at school.

wednesday::bitched at my teacher. just because she threatened to take my stuff. personal stuff that i dont want anyone seeing. so i got suspended that day. so i went home early.
thursday::i also got ASA -after school alternative- for three hours. fucking sucked. i wasnt even supposed to go to school on thursday but my aunt made me. three fucking extra hours at a place i hate so much. drove me fucking insane.
friday::got in trouble twice for threatening two kids in my classes. on wednesday after i left this guy told everyone that i had a fucking bomb in my locker&that i was guna blow up the school. oh yeah. let me just tell you. that is what i had planned all along. not. so i confronted him about it on friday. sense he wasnt there on thursday. i told him if i ever fucking hear him telling people fucked up bullshit like that about me again ill beat his fucking ass. then this other guy just pissed me off.  i was just sitting there in class&the guy just starts putting his hands in my face&saying all this stuff. made me so fucking mad. so i threatened to beat him up to.

people at that school piss me off so fucking bad.
i dont know why im getting in trouble lately.
maybe im just trying to get kicked out of my school because i hate it so much.
but then i dont know.
because if i did that i would probably get in trouble with the courts.
&they would probably put me in placement.
which is not good for me.

i have to start therapy soon.
i have an intake appointment on monday.
what fun.
not.
i dont really need to talk to someone.
i know i have no one now.
&i dont think i ever will.
but maybe thats better for me.
i dont know.

i havent cut in a couple days.
its basically only because of the intake on monday.
i just dont want them to see any fresh cuts because they might try&put me in the hospital.
but i dont know.

thatsbasicallyit.

iloveyouConnor.<3.

x3

Currently Listening Saosin By Saosin see related

ihatemyself.

seriously. i just cant take this anymore. i hate who i am. i hate how i act. i hate everything about me. so why should i be living. if i didnt have Connor i wouldnt be living.

i hate my school. veryvery much. i wont be going back to my old school this year. im going back next year. when im a fucking junior. it sucks. i hate this place&basically everyone in it. today was okay at school i guess. we had an early dismissal. so yeah it was okay. had fun at lunch. haha. i had my friend cut me with a knife. haha felt good though. i was just sitting there&he started acting like he was cutting himself with his knife. yeah it kinda offended me. but i didnt tell him that. anyways. i told him to cut me instead of himself. so he did it once. i asked him to do it again&he said no. he said he didnt want to hurt me. who the fuck cares if you hurt me? i mean seriously. so yeah that was lunch for me.

iloveyousofuckingmuchConnor.<3
your my life. my everything.
i cant live without you.
im so happy im with you.
weve been together for a year&almost three months.
i couldnt imagine being with anyone else.
you make me so happy.
ill never stop loving you.
you mean the world to me.
iloveyouhun.
<3

---------------------------------------

fuck.
i got my progress report.
not good at all.
im a failure anyways.
maybe my grades wouldnt be so bad if i didnt have to switch schools.
fuck.
failure. failure. failure.